Finding Freedom: Yael Abramson’s Journey From Constraint to Self-Discovery

In a revealing interview with City Voices, Yael Abramson shared her intricate life story, bringing forth profound themes of identity, mental health struggles, and the path to self-discovery and healing. Growing up in the ultra-Orthodox Jewish community of Mount Zion, Jerusalem, Yael’s upbringing was steeped in tradition and expectations, leaving her to grapple with her sense of self amidst rigid religious principles and personal turmoil.

Reflecting on her early life, Yael describes her childhood as enriched by a deep connection to nature and a strong sense of community. However, it was also laden with constraints surrounding her identity as a Jewish woman. “I was taught that my life path was predetermined—aimed at finding a husband and supporting his scholarly pursuits,” she explains. “But it didn’t make sense to me. I was also taught that having manners and treating others how you wish to be treated came first. Yet, I didn’t see these principles reflected in the reality around me.” This dissonance between the ideals instilled in her and the contradictory realities of her upbringing fueled her quest for meaning.

From a young age, Yael began to question the doctrines that defined her existence. “I would stand outside my parents’ house and talk to God, asking how it could be that you gave us the Bible… and then left us,” she shares, emphasizing her yearning for a deeper understanding and connection. This early search for answers set the stage for the struggles she would encounter later in life, compounded by the weight of societal expectations pressing down upon her.

As a teenager, yearning for autonomy led Yael to make choices that diverged sharply from her upbringing, leading to a profound personal crisis. She candidly recounts her ongoing battles with identity, autonomy, and mental health, culminating in experiences of deep depression and psychosis. “I didn’t realize how emotionally tumultuous my journey was until I reached a breaking point,” she reflects, indicating a pivotal moment that propelled her quest for self-discovery.

The complexity of her healing journey intensified when trauma struck. Yael recounts the harrowing experience of being raped during a psychotic episode, an event that shattered her previously resilient self. The overwhelming shame she felt for not being able to protect herself added layers of emotional weight to her trauma. “That was one of the darkest chapters of my life,” she confides, explaining how this betrayal of her sense of safety led to a tumultuous struggle with her mental health.

Navigating the complicated aftermath of having a first blown-out psychotic manic episode propelled Yael into a series of psychiatric facilities in both Israel and the United States. She speaks with stark honesty about her experiences, saying, “I wasn’t seen at all… I was left in my room to roll in my own shit till someone came and took care of me,” a reflection of the neglect that often characterizes mental health treatment.

A significant turning point in Yael’s journey towards healing came when she learned to distinguish her internal world from external expectations. A chance encounter with a bus driver sparked a pivotal realization: “When you look at a tree, you don’t see the tree.” This insight catalyzed her recovery, emphasizing the power of self-awareness and perception in the healing process. Yael underscores that healing surpasses mere coping; it requires a holistic acknowledgment of oneself, leading to transformative changes in how we relate to our past.

She emphasizes the importance of accepting and forgiving ourselves for the harm we may have inflicted, both on ourselves and on others. “Letting go of everything that does not serve us opens the door to true healing,” she explains, underscoring the notion that joy and thriving are accessible to everyone.

In today’s society, Yael’s story resonates deeply with ongoing discussions regarding mental health and personal agency. The stigma surrounding mental health issues, coupled with a one-size-fits-all approach to treatment, highlights the necessity for a compassionate, holistic understanding. Her narrative advocates for addressing the psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual dimensions of healing.

Yael’s reflections serve as a poignant reminder of humanity’s resilience. By embracing our experiences—no matter how challenging—we can pave the way for personal renewal and foster a more empathetic world. “We can start thinking in a way that there’s healing from everything, not just coping,” she emphasizes, encapsulating the essence of her transformative journey.

Yael Abramson’s story is not just a personal narrative; it stands as a testament to the strength of the human spirit, the complexity of identity, and the transformative power of self-discovery and acceptance. Her insights invite readers to reflect on their own paths and the potential for healing that lies within.